Change : a Reflection

Change.  It’s a word not many people like to hear.  And it’s something I personally struggle with.  Even on a small scale.  But change is inevitable.  It’s a part of life.  And often times, I believe it’s meant to be uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable.  Another word I don’t like.  But something I am learning to appreciate.

change

You see, change and being uncomfortable, they are two things that have been a large part of my life this past year.  They are the two things the Lord is really using to grow me.

This year has been so hard for me, for us.  In fact, it may have been the hardest yet.  There has been a lot of change.  And I have been uncomfortable for a better part of the year.  We have faced overwhelming loss and sorrow.  A year ago, I never would have guessed we would be where we are today.  Different people.  Different expectations.  Different outlook.

Sometimes, when I think about where I thought we would be now, I am saddened.  I mourn the loss of relationships that should have been.  I mourn the loss of our sweet child and absently rub my belly where a glowing bump should be.

But we are not meant to focus on the loss.  We are supposed to count all trials as joy.  And I am trying.  When I refocus on the presence of Christ I see just how far we have come.  I see the joy that He wants for us.

Because of our trials, our relationship as a couple and our relationship with Christ has grown ten-fold!  I am not who I was a year ago.  And I am so thankful for that.  I’m not as judgmental.  I’m not as naïve.  I’m a bit more understanding and a teensy bit more forgiving (working on this one).  I’ve finally made my quiet time with the Lord a priority once again.  That prayer and study time is something I look forward to and something I miss on the days that I fail to prioritize correctly.  Justin is the same.  I have never seen him with the fire that he has now.  The passion he exudes is incredible.  I still see the hurt we have dealt with bubble to the surface from time to time, but I see God using it for something greater than what the enemy intended.  What the enemy intended for evil, God will use for our good!!  Hallelujah!

And we have been blessed with so much this past year!  Our niece is due any day.  My adventurous two-year old is coming into her own – and bringing me new joy in my weakest moments.  We have a new-found appreciation for our church home and have developed some pretty fantastic relationships over the past year.  And with all of that, the excitement for the next year is wonderful!!  I can’t wait to see what unfolds.

God uses the change in our lives to bring growth.  And He makes us uncomfortable on purpose.  If we aren’t changing, we can’t grow.  And if we aren’t uncomfortable, we probably aren’t growing either.  If we are comfortable than everything is the same old.  I don’t want to be comfortable anymore!  I’m ready to shake things up!  I’m ready for the change He has planned for us in the year to come!

I’m going to expect the unexpected, chase the wild goose (Holy Spirit, here I come), and run towards the roar (Lion of Judah, I am yours)!    Who’s with me?!?!

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